Energy

Yesterday I spent the entire day in a state of awe at the amount of energy in the room of people committed to raising money for Bust A Move. As I gazed around the room I saw women of different shapes, sizes, degrees of fitness and health moving in their bodies. I saw men supporting women. I saw families coming together. I saw exuberance and I saw restraint. I saw volunteers, moving and shaking, I saw stage hands keeping us on track. I felt so much. Love.

As these beautiful belly dancers came on the stage and moved with such magic and inspiration, I realized how rigidly I hold my own rules about my own body -- still. I saw my self-consciousness of my very small titties as so absolutely ridiculous. I felt my own self- rejection.

Richard Simmons filled the room with his 3 rules - move your body, moderation and LOVE your self. And in the end, he looked into my face and offered me the love I withhold from myself. So many people offered love and acceptance and now I know I am controlling what comes in.

Receiving

Yesterday I was tired. My body was achy and I wanted to curl in a chair in the sunshine and read a book. My beautiful child wanted to go sledding. It was cold and the snow hard and the wind present. Choice. I wanted to give to myself the gift of peace and quiet. I also wanted to give to myself the opportunity to have fun and connect to my son.

We barreled down the hill with laughter as we hit the slide, or the trees or came off the side of the ramp. The sun lowered behind the horizon and finally it was time to go in and warm up. I went out because I 'should' give my attention and love to my son.

What I did not realize when I was trying to chose was that this was a great time for me to receive.
The sun's reflection of pink, orange and purple light, the warmth in my coat and boots, mitts and hat, the crispness of the air reminded me of all that is coming to me - given to me - without my realization.

I was not there to entertain my son, I was there to receive his laughter and joy in racing down the hill  completely out of control and with absolute exuberance.... if and only if I opened my heart to it.

Listening

There is tension across my shoulders, the collar bones collapse inward, my brow is furrowed and my tummy is tight. Closed. My general state is thinking. My heart is not open and I can see how my words push people away. I see it so clearly and yet seem powerless to change my energy.

I am overwhelmed with responsibility. All the responsibilities that I cannot let go of are what I wish to let go of. I struggle and resist the reality of what is. I struggle against what I believe to be the closed hearts of others and how can I fix it. If I do not feel I can connect, how do I engage them? How do I interact? Then clarity comes and I know.
It is MY heart that resisting who they are - it is MY heart that is closed. Ahhhh....

As I move toward beautiful people who will be offering their hearts, bodies and minds to a beautiful cause, I see the power I feel from one person in particular. She hears me. I know she listens and that makes all the difference.

Listen - I draw my attention into my heart and I listen. I need to hear what others are saying to me. Not their words. I need to feel their feeling about what they are saying. Then I will know what is skillful.
Practice.

Who are you?

The most important part of sticking with those New Year resolutions, goals or resolves, intentions, whatever you wish to call them, is that it needs to be pleasurable. As organisms, we move toward pleasurable things and away from pain. If the resolution is painful, we will not stick to it. However, everything has both the flavor of good and bad - think of a long run. Usually during the run (especially if running is not what you usually do) there is pain. A couple days after the run, there can continue to be pain. If you stick with running, down the road, it feels great to be so fit and strong. But when you can't experience fit and strong immediately, it is hard to stick with it.

And why are you running anyway? Why be fit and strong? Finding the answer to these questions is where you can make the connection to the immediate pleasure. Continuing with this example, I want to be fit so I can continue to engage in sport with my son.
Why is that important to me?
It is important to me to share, connect with him in ways that are fun and expressive.
What is it about connecting expressively that matters to me?
When we have fun together, the connection seems deeper, richer. I feel that I can be silly and so can he and we just accept each other.
So being fit is really all about connecting in a meaningful, authentic way with people. Hmmm. Who knew!?!
Now when I plan to run - how can I make it an opportunity to make that connection? My son could ride his bike next to me. Or maybe I shouldn't plan to run. Maybe we should do karate together. Or both.

Your turn. Why do you want to reach these goals you have? Why is it important to you? Keep asking until you get the real understanding of what feeling you are hoping to achieve through the pursuit of the goal.

Sticking to it - attitude

This time of year, resolutions are popular. I prefer to call mine a resolve. As you may have noted, I resolve to offer my best to the situations I am in and the people I am with. The trick is sticking with this and remembering it day after day. And how on earth do you remember it when that s.o.b. just cut you off?

I touched on it in the last blog. You need a strategy. You have to plan the execution of the resolution into your day. Easy enough - set an alarm on a watch to go off periodically each day to remind you to do it right now - no excuses! Or wear a bracelet - every time you notice it, execute.

The main thing here is quality. I can 'offer my best' in a variety of ways, but if my heart isn't in it, it won't matter - it won't be my best. Exercise resolutions are only as effective as your attention to the activity. Your heart has to be in it - you have to carry the right attitude.

Attitude is choice. To create the right attitude, you have to think about all the pleasure this action, deed brings to you. When I was bouldering, there was one particularly challenging project I had. Within the first 3 moves, the granite crystals would cut deeply into the tips, and within three tries, my tips would be bleeding. Taping was not a solution because I couldn't feel the holds and accuracy was everything at this grade for me. It was painfully hard to be motivated to even try. Where I put my attention made all the difference. To cultivate the will to try, I would recall how painful childbirth was, well this was nothing relative to that experience. Then with the will to try in place, I would visualize my successful attempt. I would close my eyes and watch myself move over the rock, successfully getting the key hold to the finish. I would feel the muscles and joints in my body responding to the effort. This action of mindfullness changed my attitude from one of resistance to one of excitement and motivation.

The mind does not know the difference between imagined, visualized success and actual success. In a Yoga pose, rather than critically analyzing my limitations, or paying attention to the discomfort, I can visualize myself holding the pose in perfect alignment, feeling my grace, strength and flexibility. With these feelings, the process is beautiful, pleasurable, pure joy. When I see only my perfection and success, I feel successful and perfect. That is exactly as it should be, after all, we are all perfect just as we are.