Stories, we all have them. These are the events in our past that we believe are true. It is true I was married and now I am not. But everything I tell myself about how that happened and why it happened and what it means are all up for the interpretation I choose. Life is full of these choices.
My life has been busy. And I find myself constantly choosing to believe I need to keep up with it all. I have to answer every complaint and try to fix all the situations and head off future troubles before they happen. But that is a choice.
Yesterday I chose to have tea with a friend. I could hear myself debating and defending my choice to step away from the busy work to have this purely selfish meeting. And when I left that tea, I was smiling more broadly than I have smiled in a number of days. The choice was a choice to support ME, rather than to DO more. Sometimes, less is more.
Now to remember that feeling and that choice more often.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Princes and ugly step sisters
Life has been busy. It has been full of things to do or more aptly described, expectations to be met. And I have to admit I have been feeling a fair amount of resentment. Closer examination revealed it wasn't real expectation placed on me by others, rather it was my own expectation that people would do what they are supposed to do, what is right, just get along, accept one another as they are, see the strengths and weaknesses they have and others have and just well.... get along.
But that's not the way it is most of the time.
Today, as I sat, I realized I was waiting for someone to come in and save me. Preferably a handsome man who makes a decent amount of money and wants me to be able to relax and do only the things that inspire me. That is when I saw Cinderella. Oh.. I know her pain so well. Being berated and belittled by those ugly step sisters! So unfair! And there I sat in my rags, on the floor, scrubbing away while the ugly step sisters laughed.
Then my good friend Dorothy's kind and generous words popped into my head, "I don't get it, I just see a vibrant, intelligent, loving woman." A reference to me in a moment of feeling just like this. Right! I thought, I choose whether I am the vibrant woman or the one carrying the heavy sack of others ideas around with me.
Sigh.... so putting that sack down, getting out of the rags and standing in the place of here's what is important to me and you can just figure it out people.
Oh and the prince... well, I'll take one if he comes along, but in the meantime, no need for one.
But that's not the way it is most of the time.
Today, as I sat, I realized I was waiting for someone to come in and save me. Preferably a handsome man who makes a decent amount of money and wants me to be able to relax and do only the things that inspire me. That is when I saw Cinderella. Oh.. I know her pain so well. Being berated and belittled by those ugly step sisters! So unfair! And there I sat in my rags, on the floor, scrubbing away while the ugly step sisters laughed.
Then my good friend Dorothy's kind and generous words popped into my head, "I don't get it, I just see a vibrant, intelligent, loving woman." A reference to me in a moment of feeling just like this. Right! I thought, I choose whether I am the vibrant woman or the one carrying the heavy sack of others ideas around with me.
Sigh.... so putting that sack down, getting out of the rags and standing in the place of here's what is important to me and you can just figure it out people.
Oh and the prince... well, I'll take one if he comes along, but in the meantime, no need for one.
Monday, September 10, 2012
It's been a while
The months of summer have disappeared into the days of fall. Where did time go and what did I do with it? My week away with my Parayogis peeps seems so far in the past and yet it was only a few weeks ago.
Time. It seems illusive. And yet the reality is that my mind has been so quickly pulled from one task to another, one person to another, one expectation to another, that time seems to have speed past me. Time doesn't speed, it is the rpm's of my mind through these past months that has.
So what's the trick to slowing it down? Oh... I know about meditation and certainly use that tool frequently. But what about in the moment. The moment when there are 24 children gathering around one with a gash in her knee that will need stitches and you have four instructors looking to you for 'what's next.' What slows you down when the there are people betraying your trust or expecting you to take care of something immediate when you are 30 minutes away?
Breath. For me I don't think about breath first - though it is what I suggest to others to think about in those moments. For me it is the magic of the vastness of this Universe. I recall one fall day many years ago, recently mistreated and scolded by University officials for wanting to pay my tuition without penalty, but not being able to stand in line for a few hours without losing my job. The unfairness of it and the lack of compassion and understanding washing over me. And then my eyes caught the radiant light reflecting off the fall leaves. And I had the thought, "well, they can't take this away from me." The this in my mind was the beauty of nature and her continuation despite war, struggle, despair and destruction.
I have a new puppy now and one of the most grateful parts is the getting outside twice a day and walking, just appreciating the mist, the rain, the sun, the mud, the trees, the beauty and steadfastness of nature. It is just what brings me back to earth.
Time. It seems illusive. And yet the reality is that my mind has been so quickly pulled from one task to another, one person to another, one expectation to another, that time seems to have speed past me. Time doesn't speed, it is the rpm's of my mind through these past months that has.
So what's the trick to slowing it down? Oh... I know about meditation and certainly use that tool frequently. But what about in the moment. The moment when there are 24 children gathering around one with a gash in her knee that will need stitches and you have four instructors looking to you for 'what's next.' What slows you down when the there are people betraying your trust or expecting you to take care of something immediate when you are 30 minutes away?
Breath. For me I don't think about breath first - though it is what I suggest to others to think about in those moments. For me it is the magic of the vastness of this Universe. I recall one fall day many years ago, recently mistreated and scolded by University officials for wanting to pay my tuition without penalty, but not being able to stand in line for a few hours without losing my job. The unfairness of it and the lack of compassion and understanding washing over me. And then my eyes caught the radiant light reflecting off the fall leaves. And I had the thought, "well, they can't take this away from me." The this in my mind was the beauty of nature and her continuation despite war, struggle, despair and destruction.
I have a new puppy now and one of the most grateful parts is the getting outside twice a day and walking, just appreciating the mist, the rain, the sun, the mud, the trees, the beauty and steadfastness of nature. It is just what brings me back to earth.
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